A Magical Mother’s Day Meal

It’s fitting that on Mother’s Day weekend we are so slammed with rehearsals and recitals for both of our daughters dance classes. This eggs and baconweekend is an accurate microcosm of what most of our weekends are like and a good example of just how efficient of a mom my girlfriend really is, just don’t tell my wife I said that! Seriously though, seeing what our schedule was like I would have just said f**k this and rented a hotel near the auditorium and told everyone else to figure out which show they’re going to and when. But my lady friend organized it all. Who wanted tickets to which night and who was picking up whom and when and that stuff.

I wanted to do something nice for her this year to say thanks for her always kicking so much ass at life and the whole family thing but man, there isn’t a minute to spare all weekend. I should have figured something out beforehand?  Umm have you ever met a man? While it sounds like a solid idea it’s just not in our DNA. All the moms I know in my life deserve better than the last minute recognition we throw together for them but we do our best. My mom was(still is) always great at making feel like a smart, loved person who can be whatever I set my mind to and I love her for that. But my girlfriend knows better than that. She knows that without her around I would likely just be a wandering pantless drunk. With that said I think because she knows that she appreciated that I found 30 minutes in our insane weekend to scramble and get some sexy plants in a funky weaved basket. That obviously wouldn’t cut it on its own so I wanted to make her a kickass breakfast before the last stretch of madness that was our weekend. Unfortunately I never even had time to head out for groceries so I was resolved to wing it when I woke up….

Magical Mystical Mother’s Day Frittata

10 Large eggs(shells removed)
3 to 4 Slices of bacon(diced)
1/4 Cup mozzarella cheese
1/4 Cup parmesan cheese
1/3 Heavy cream
1 Small bunch of fresh basil
A small pinch of dried oregano
1 Schloop of butter
A few dashes of tabasco sauce
Salt and pepper to taste

I wake up Sunday morning in a bit of a panic since I really should have found 20 minutes at some point to plan a nice breakfast but I am what I am so I head to the fridge and see what the hell I can whip up, secretly resigned to make pancakes yet again. Imagine my surprise when I find we’ve got a full dozen eggs AND a few slices of bacon left. We’ve always got cream and a few cheeses so I can actually whip up a zazzy frittata baby! Maybe I’m weird but despite its simplicity I find this dish to be quite a sexy upgrade to any standard egg based breakfast. It’s elegant and all that shit, like me. Anyway, why don’t we get started?

eggs in the panFirst you need to slam back 2 double espressos. Well maybe you don’t but I sure as hell do. Next I heat up a pan on medium heat and once it’s warmed up I throw in the cut up bacon and flip it around until it gets crispy, then I set it aside with my bare hands like a real man onto a paper towel to remove some of the grease. Now I get me a mixing bowl and carefully remove the shell from around my eggs and add them to said bowl. The eggs that is and not the shells. I add some salt and pepper to the eggs, a pinch of oregano(one of the only herbs with merit when it’s dried), and a few dashes of tabasco sauce. Then I pour in the heavy cream and give the bowl a long staredown. Like, for a minute so they know who’s boss. I get out a whisk and then beat those eggs with the kind of tough love that says “This is gonna hurt me more than it’s gonna hurt you” even though we both know I won’t feel a thing except authoritarian satisfaction, like the parents of yesteryear.

Now I set my oven to broil AND set a non-stick pan on a burner on medium high heat. I grate my cheese quick like the wind here and toss the schloop of butter into the now warm pan. Once the butter is melted I give those eggs a second beating just so they don’t get uppity. I add the bacon to the pan and immediately pour in the shamed eggs. Now cook them until they start to set, mixing them a little with a spatula from time to time, let’s say like every 37 seconds. Once the bottom of the eggs really are set like the beginnings of an omelet (takes about 3 minutes) I add the cheese and move the pan to the oven under the broiler. Leave it there until the cheese starts to get golden. This should take about 2 minutes. Do not walk away at this stage because this dish can go from ready to burnt mess really fast. Once it’s removed from the oven (with my bare hands cause my lady loves it when I’m tough) garnish with the fresh basil and BABLOOMI! It looks like I may have just improvised a winner here.

As I had hoped, the lady friend loves the eggs and is impressed by the overall sexiness of the dish. I mean it, there’s just something about a plate like this that screams out Ooh la la! For a totally disorganized schlep like myself I’m really happy that I managed to pull something off for someone who does so much for me and the kids and gets so little credit for it. Maybe don’t tell her I said all this mushy stuff though cause I think she is all into my rugged, manly persona. Later as I’m sitting next to her at the recital I watch her as she’s watching our 5 year old shaking her booty in a highly inappropriate yet very comical way and I see a few tears stream down her cheeks. I know her well by now and I know exactly what she’s thinking: “Man those eggs were amazing this morning.”

Stay Phat.

sexy breaky



Categories: Phood Philosophies, Recipes

Tags: , , , ,

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