Raising the Steaks

flank uncookedWhat kind of a moron would profess to be a BBQ lover, write a cookbook review about smoking on the grill, a recipe for hamburgers but fail to talk about one of his favorite meals of all time? This moron!! If you haven’t guessed by now I am of course talking about steak. I am going to cover two of my best go to steak recipes but sadly I’ve only got pictures to go with one of them. Hey, I can’t just go around making two dinners in one night just for a photo op. I don’t exactly roll around in money late at night when no one’s looking. You probably don’t want to know what I do late at night or what I roll around in. Alright, we’ve got two recipes to cover here so before you grill me with any questions let me get to them! I’ll start with the one that has pictures…

Flank steak is hands down my favorite cut of beef for steak. Similar to the now widely popular hanger steak, you can see by the image that it is marbled spectacularly throughout. You know what this means right? Sexy fat rendering into the meat when cooked thus keeping the steak supremely juicy. You will see by handling it**insert meat handling joke here my oh so perverse readers** that it is, how to say, not as firm as say a strip loin cut or rib steak. It is floppy, you know, like a middle aged man before he pops his meds. If you’ve never cooked flank before, or cuts like skirt or hanger, it is important to know that it needs to be marinated. It’s a tougher cut so simply seasoning and grilling it won’t do. While it may not melt in your mouth like a filet mignon it holds the flavors of a marinade brilliantly and has its own bold, rich flavor and unique drool inducing texture and if sliced properly once grilled it is as succulent as beef gets. Filet mignon while sexy to look at and easy to chew does not have too much of its own taste. That is why they make it pretty with bacon all the time. Bacon makes everything pretty. Don’t believe me? Wear bacon and just see all the people staring at you. Anyway, all that to say I still have all of my teeth so I don’t feel the need to overpay for filet mignon just yet. Ok, onwards!

Phatman’s Pants-droppingly good Flank Steak

Serves 4

2 good sized flank steaks(10 to 12 ozs each)
1 cup of stout beer
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 tbsp of brown sugar
2 tbsp tomato paste
3 gloves of minced garlic
2 to 3 chopped green onions

Flank marinadeLike most great steak dishes this is almost offensively simple but is sure to please any guests. Well, maybe not vegetarians but hey, this is a steak article, I can’t fix everything. In a large mixing bowl combine all of the ingredients except the steak and whisk passionately. Woah, not too passionately, you still have to serve this to people. You should be able to feel when the sugar has dissolved or at the least isn’t in clumps. Now, for those of you who don’t like cooking with beer for some reason I can’t comprehend other than recovering alcoholism(no joke there I have a few readers who are winning that battle. Good job guys!) feel free to substitute the beer for something like root beer or molasses diluted with water. In both of those cases I would omit the brown sugar. Ok, now toss the steaks into the marinade, cover and refridgerate for AT LEAST 3 hours but I would say 6 hours is ideal.

If you don’t have a BBQ for the love of all that is good and edible in this world I hope you at least have a grill pan. If you don’t have that either then call Amnesty International because I am pretty sure you are missing a basic human right. Even in that case so long as you have a pan that can go in the oven you can broil this I suppose until it is no more than medium rare but I recommend grilling for sure. So, heat your BBQ to a mid-high temperature say betwixt 400-450f. I like my steaks closer to rare so I grill these for about five minutes on each side, closing the lid for the first two minutes on each side of the steak as well. If you have a steak that is quite thick I would go with seven minutes per side. Always, always, ALWAYS rest the steaks for five minutes loosely covered in foil before you start slicing and serving them. When meat first comes off the grill it is tense and all of its juice is at the center. Once it is resting the juice redistributes thoughout the meat. Cut into it too soon and all the juice will pour right out. It’s normal for some to show up on the plate but you really don’t want to lose it all. When you do slice it to serve make sure you cut it against the grain of the meat.

For any weirdos who only eat steak well done get the hell out of here before I make you get out of here! No, seriously though, if you do like steak well done I would say to stay away from these types of cuts. A well done flank is well not well done at all. It will be exceedingly tough and all the amazing juice that this steak holds will likely be gone. Then sadness would follow. Eating steak and being sad go together like orange juice and brushing your teeth.

This recipe has a nice balance of sweet and bold notes from the beer and sugar with sharp tones from the garlic and the soy sauce brings everything together quite well. You know I love tweakable recipes and this one is no different. Toss in some hot peppers or ginger if you like or even some fresh rosemary. If done properly this sexy steak should look like this:


Oh baby, that stuff is hard to beat. But I am here to share another dish with you too. This next one is something my kind, wonderful, sweet, and sexy lady friend loves. She makes me cook it for her like twice a week during the summer. Like the one above this one is straight forward and will blow people’s minds.

NY Style Strip Loin Topped with Orgasmic Mushrooms

4 strip loins at least 3/4 of an inch thick
1 container of mini portobello mushrooms or button mushrooms sliced
Handful of chopped parsley
1 finely diced shallot
1 clove of finely minced garlic
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp white wine vinegar

Ok so you want to start with making sure your steaks are not ice cold. Keep them out of the fridge about one hour before you plan on cooking. Get out some olive oil(no need for the fancy extra virgin for this, save that for salad or your wedding night!), worchestershire sauce, sea salt, and pepper. First thing you want to do is hit the steak with a few drops of worchestershire sauce, salt, pepper(or in my lady’s case Montreal steak spice-a guilty pleasure that isn’t necessary for a great steak but still nice) and then drizzle on some olive oil. Then you want to give the steak a good rub. Please make sure not rub it with reckless abandon like a 14 year old dude enjoying the Scramblies on a Saturday night. You might hurt yourself and let’s be honest, no guests want to see that anyway. Rub it more with romantic love like you are going to ask it if it is ok to go watch 10 hours of football at the bar on Sunday. If you don’t know what scramblies are go ask your dad you spoiled” free porn everywhere over the internet” guy. When I was a teenager things weren’t so easy. Alright, now that I’ve traumatized you, onto the mushrooms!

In a sauté pan heat up a good guzzle of olive oil and a nice little chunk of butter on a medium heat. Ideally you would be doing this on the grill, if this isn’t feasible then do the mushrooms ahead of time while the BBQ heats up and then keep the mushrooms on low heat to stay warm. Once the butter is melted throw in the shallot. Once it starts to sweat add the mushrooms and season. When you see the mushrooms getting soft add the garlic for 30 seconds. Next you add the soy sauce and the vinegar. Let it cook for a minute or two and then right before it is ready to be topped on the steaks throw in the parsley.

If you are comfortable cooking both the mushrooms and the steaks on the grill at the same time, go for it. This cut should be on the grill for about 3 minutes per side for rare to medium rare and please at the absolute most 5 minutes per side for medium well. Once the steaks are done set them on warm plates and top them with the mushrooms. Let the meat rest for at least 3 minutes before serving.

There are many cuts of steak out there and as you can see here, many very simple ways to keep you from getting bored with the standard grilled steak. There are a plethora of recipes to be tried so if you love steak but always eat it the same way give these quick, kick ass recipes a shot. Despite these being every day meals I’ve served these to guests and have blown their funky minds. So get grilling, there’s alot at steak.

Stay phat.

Categories: Recipes

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